It Wasn't For The Best
by Dude72
Summary: One part WillowTara fic, Willow realizes some things on the one year anniversary of Tara's death.


**A/N:Another one part song fic, i seem to be getting pretty good at these because this seems to be the only thing i can keep my attention span focused on long enough to write.**

**Summary: One part Willow/Tara fic, Willow realizes some things on the one year anniversary of Tara's death.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing at all, you should know that by now, and if you even assume for a minute that i own anything you're dilusional.**

**Song: Life Ain't Always Beautiful By Gary Allan **

**Feedback: I'm not gonna beg for it , but come on people PLEASE! just kiddin , but leave some for me if you have time.**

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One year, I never thought that one year could pass so slowly and so quickly at the same time. The fall of Sunnydale, impending doom and the threat of another apocalypse can really take your mind off of some rather important things that are just too important and are better off unforgotten. Things like the one-year anniversary of her death. 

**_Life aint always beautiful  
Sometimes it's just plain hard  
Life can knock you down, it can break your heart  
_**

One year, one year since I've heard her voice, her laugh. One year since I've seen her face in another form besides the cheap imitation of a person called a photograph. One year since I've felt her warm touch on me. And a little bit less than a year since I've smelt her scent that was her's alone. The one that wafted throughout the air in our room and clung to every object in sight, as if it were a constant, mocking reminder of what I had lost so tragically and what seemed like so long ago.

_**Life aint always beautiful  
You think you're on your way  
And it's just a dead end road at the end of the day**_

I thought that this day would be easier than the rest that I have had to endure, had to live through. That maybe since I've made it this far and that all this time has passed, maybe things would have been just a little bit easier. That those old, scarred wounds from so long ago would of healed. But they didn't, not in time for it anyway.

**_But the struggles make you stronger  
And the changes make you wise  
And happiness has its own way of takin it's sweet time_**

Tears, remembrance, closure, opening those old wounds once again. That is what this day is always going to be about. Making sure that everything remains the same. Making sure that I am always hers. That is what I always want to be anyway, so why try to change. That's why things with Kennedy didn't work out. It was too soon, she pushed too hard, I gave in too easily and important things were forgotten, far, too, easily.

_**No, life aint always beautiful  
Tears will fall sometimes  
Life aint always beautiful  
But it's a beautiful ride**_

This is where I am going to end up, every year on my own personal, dark, day. Listening to this damn song that makes no sense whatsoever, while Buffy & the rest of the Scoobies think I should just listen to it. I'll be here, by myself, in a room, full of pictures, memories and anything else that can serve as a lifejacket. One that keeps me afloat in the empty waters, making sure I don't drift out too far into the sea on my own, or drown in my own sorrows.

**_Life aint always beautiful  
Some days I miss your smile  
I get tired of walkin all these lonely miles_**

It's something I am never going to see again and I need to get used to that fact, her smile, gone. Fading as quickly as a photograph, but still, slowly, the color and detail seeps away, like footprints in the sand, unable to be restored, unable to be seen amidst the chaos.

**_And I wish for just one minute  
I could see your pretty face  
Guess I can dream, but life don't work that way_**

Dreams, are, there. I can dream, they may not come true, like in Disney fairytales. The ones where Cinderella goes to the ball meets her prince, or in this case princess. They fall happily in love, ride away into they dying sunset and live happily ever after. That is what has taken me a year to decipher. Dreams are dreams. That's it. They don't see the future, no matter how much you want them to. They don't mean anything. They are just happy little Disney fairytales that take up space and fill the periods of unconsciousness called sleep with false hopes and so-called promises of eternal happiness in the future.

**_But the struggles make me stronger  
And the changes make me wise  
And happiness has its own way of takin it's sweet time_**

Smarter…phh. That's not what this whole deal has made me. It was bitter. Sure in a way it made me smarter, but damn does this hurt. This whole trying to move on thing, one year and I have barely made any improvement at all. It's never gonna happen.

The Scoobies think that I'm fine. They never even took the time to care, so how should know if I'm fine. Sure, they came to her service, but there was no real attachment for them. To the Scoobies, she was just "with Willow". She may have seemed like a part of the group, like family and she was. But she was for the most part, mine. Still part of the group but the quiet one, only speaking up when positively sure that what she was doing was for the best.

Well getting shot while in the crossfire wasn't for the best, now was it?

**_No, life aint always beautiful  
But i know i'll be fine  
Hey, life aint always beautiful  
But it's a beautiful ride  
What a beautiful ride_**

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**ok come on people, you know you want to leave some comment & all you have to do is hit that little purplish button right down at the bottom.**


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